Someone cuts you off in traffic. A coworker makes a sarcastic comment. Your child spills juice on the couch you just cleaned. In a split second, anger rushes through your body. Your jaw tightens, your heart races, and you feel like you have to react right now.
But what if you did not have to? What if that powerful wave could pass on its own, if you simply let it?
What Is the 90-Second Rule?
The "90-second rule" is an idea shared by neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. She explained that when we feel a strong emotion, the initial chemical surge in the body lasts only about 90 seconds. If the feeling continues after that, it is often because we keep feeding it with our thoughts, by replaying the situation, blaming, or imagining what we should have said.
It is a simplified idea and not an exact scientific timer, but many people find it a helpful reminder: the first wave of emotion is temporary. What we do next is our choice.
Why This Idea Is So Helpful
- It gives you hope. Intense feelings will not last forever.
- It gives you a pause. You do not need to act in the first moment.
- It gives you responsibility. You can decide whether to keep the emotion going or let it go.
How to Ride Out an Emotion in 90 Seconds
1. Notice the feeling
Say to yourself, "I am feeling angry," or "I am feeling hurt." Naming the emotion helps you observe it instead of being swallowed by it.
2. Feel it in your body
Where is the emotion? Tight chest? Hot face? Clenched hands? Simply notice without judging.
3. Breathe slowly
Take slow, deep breaths. Count them if it helps. Let each breath give the feeling room to rise and fall.
4. Don't feed the story
Avoid replaying the event or building a case in your head. Gently bring your attention back to your breath and body.
5. Choose your response
After the wave passes, ask: "What do I want to do now that will help, not hurt?" You might calmly speak up, walk away, or let it go completely.
Practicing in Daily Life
- Practice with small irritations, like a slow line or a late jeepney, before trying it in big conflicts.
- Teach it to your children: "Let's breathe until the big feeling gets smaller."
- Use a phrase like "This will pass" as a personal reminder.
Final Thoughts
Emotions are natural, and they carry important messages. But they do not have to control our words and actions. By giving a feeling just a little space to rise and fall, we can respond with more wisdom, kindness, and peace.
If strong emotions often feel unmanageable or last for long periods, consider talking to a mental health professional for extra support.
Will you try the 90-second pause this week? Share how it goes in the comments.
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